In just a few days, school will be starting again for a fresh new year. I won’t lie, I’ve been waiting for this for most of the school holidays, mainly because I want to get us all back into a steady routine. But as we’ve gotten closer to the date, and especially this past week as I’ve sat labelling all our books and every individual pencil, rather than excitement and relief, I’ve felt anxiety and worry.

I know a lot of you may be feeling this way as well. For some of you, your kid will be starting school for the very first time. For others, your kids may be moving to a new school, and maybe even transitioning from primary to secondary. And even for the rest of you, your kids will be moving up a year, which means new teachers, new classrooms, and new classmates. It’s a lot of change!

Now, I know change isn’t always a bad thing. Some of you (and your kids!) may even be looking forward to the change! But when you have a neurodivergent child, and especially one who is prone to what our psychologist calls “sticky thinking”, change is just the start of a ticking timebomb – time till detonation: unknown.

And even if you don’t have a neurodivergent child, change can often be scary and confusing for most kids. It doesn’t just stop as toddlers but can continue even to adulthood. I should know – something I frequently tell my husband is “I only like change if it’s good change!” And that’s why today’s blog post is not going to be your typical “Back to School” post on prepping and settling your kids. Instead, I’m going to talk about how we mums can deal with our nerves.

Remember, our kids can sense the vibes we give off, so if our anxiety meter is off the charts, they’ll feel it! But I know that telling you to be calm and not feel anxious at all is not just impractical, it’s unrealistic! We’re mums – we’re going to worry! But we can do it in a way that’s not just grounding, but that models healthy coping strategies for your kids.

So here are some compassionate but practical ways to help you regulate your anxiety for the new school year:

1. Name what you’re afraid of

This may sound silly and even useless to you but trust me, it helps. There is power in names, and when you speak (or write) it out, you take control over it. Most of the time, anxiety just sits in you like a general, uneasy feeling in your gut and chest. This vagueness only builds your anxiety because your nervous system isn’t sure what you’re anxious or afraid of. So, name it/them: What are you most afraid of? Has something happened before that you don’t want repeated?

Whether it’s meltdowns, bullying, not making any friends, being misunderstood by teachers (or worse, other parents!), when you name your worries and fears, not only can you separate what’s just past trauma from your present reality, but you can also prepare for what’s real.

2. Prepare…but don’t over-prepare

I know I just said to prepare, but there is such a thing as OVER-preparing. Helpful preparation can be regulating. That’s things like talking through what the new year and school routine will look with your kids, visiting the school (and if possible, classroom), and even practising routines before school starts.

What’s not helpful is constantly rehearsing worst-case scenarios in your mind, “prepping” your kids for what might go wrong, and trying to micromanage every single detail so you feel “prepared”. Confession time: I’ve done that. But that’s why I can tell you that it definitely doesn’t help! That’s not preparing, it’s over-preparing, and that’s really just anxiety in disguise!

3. Create backup plans

It would be naïve to think that nothing will go wrong this school year though. So, while I don’t want you over-preparing and micromanaging like we just talked about, I know this can be easier said than done. So, what I’d like you to try instead is to create a simple plan for each the fears and anxieties you named earlier.

You’re basically going to use the formula, “If [fear/concern] happens, I will [next-step strategy].” For example, “If my kid doesn’t settle/refuses to go to school after a reasonable adjustment period, I will set up a meeting with the teacher.” Or “If my kid can’t follow lessons/struggles with reading or writing, I will book an appointment with the GP/paediatrician.”

When your brain knows there’s a plan, hopefully it will stop going into overdrive and rehearsing all the worst-case scenarios in your mind.

4. Share with the school

One of my biggest stressors has always been (and still is!) that nobody knows or understands my kids as well as I do, and it’s even worse with new teachers and people who don’t know them at all! We have been very fortunate though because our school has been extremely supportive throughout our neurodivergent journey from realising something wasn’t right to getting assessed and diagnosed, and then implementing therapy and support strategies.

As part of his supports in transitioning to a new school year, we got to meet his new teacher and visit his new classroom in December. They also provided a transition booklet that we could read to him over the holidays to help him prepare for the new year. And we have a support case manager and support plan that all his teachers will have access to so they can be aware of his strengths, challenges, and regulatory strategies.

So, if you have concerns about your child, and especially if they are neurodivergent, don’t keep them to yourself – share with the school as early as possible! You never know what supports they might be able to offer that will put your and your kid’s minds at ease.

5. Be kind to you (and your kids)

Like I said earlier, change can be scary, and it can be difficult, so be kind to yourself and your kids. Plan some “unwind” time after school, especially for the first few weeks: quiet time (hold off on all the questions!), snacks and hydration, maybe some sensory play if your child needs that to reset. And be prepared for some meltdowns – they’ll be exhausted from holding it in at school all day!

Just remember that it’s only a transition – this isn’t permanent; it will get better. And even if it doesn’t yet; even if things go wrong, and school is hard, and this year is messy, don’t forget the most important thing of all. You are not failing. Your kid is not failing. You will get through this, together.

And finally, if you’re a woman of faith, here’s the most important you can do before we start this new school year:

6. Pray and surrender this school year to God

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” -1 Peter 5:7-

And He cares for your children too. Whatever your fears, worries, or concerns, lay them down before God and trust that He will sustain you and your family through another school year. Pray with your children too and speak His truth over them – check out my other blog post for Words & Bible Verses To Speak Over Your Children.

Whatever this school year may bring, I hope that this blog post has helped you feel more prepared in facing it. Or at the very least, now you know you’re not the only anxious school mum out there! My thoughts and prayers will be with you all as we head into next week. And just a final piece of encouragement: at the end of the day, having a parent who loves them, sees them, and will always believe in them? That matters more than the perfect teacher or the nicest classroom. You are their safe space, mama – you’ve got this! 💛