Today is Say Their Name Day, a day run by Red Nose Australia every year to remember and honour all the babies and children that we have lost but continue to love. This year, they’ve chosen the Blue Wren as the symbol for the day to represent comfort, intuition, and the continuity of love beyond physical life.

The Blue Wren, otherwise known as a Fairy Wren, is one of Australia’s more popular native birds. There are different meanings and stories attached to it, but most Indigenous cultures see the Blue Wren as a message of hope, resilience, and connection. And because they’re so small and quick, they are seen to represent intuition as well – because you might not be sure if you really saw that quick flash of blue with your eyes, but you feel it in your heart.

For those of us who are familiar with loss, and especially the loss of a child, the symbolisms of the Blue Wren are something that we all know deeply. The connection that we have to our child, the way we know them in ways that nobody else ever could, maybe even that intuition that something was wrong, but nobody would listen. And in the depths of our grief, the way we know that love never ends, and the way we look for signs that they are still with us and we are still connected.

I think that’s why when I saw that Red Nose had chosen the Blue Wren this year, something in me felt seen. Because ever since Dorian passed away, I realised that something I do quite frequently now by myself (and sometimes with our other kids), is to look for and collect signs that he’s still in our lives and watching over us.

I remember it was a couple of months after he’d passed, and my husband, second son, and I were out in our backyard. A butterfly started following us around, then landed in the hedge in front of us. And somehow, we managed to get right up close to the butterfly without it moving or flying away. So, I started telling our then-2-year-old that the butterfly was a message Dori had sent from heaven to say hello. Then (and I promise you I am not making this up), the butterfly started waving its front legs around, really as if it was saying hello.

Some people will find it unbelievable – they’ll think that you’re just looking for what you want to see. Some people will call it magical thinking. Others will say it’s just the grief and your mind trying to find a way to survive. But whatever you call it and wherever you stand on what signs like this mean, I know that I’m not the only person who holds onto these moments.

It could be a butterfly, like in my case or a bird that appears when you’re having a hard day. It could be seeing a particular type or colour of flower blooming wherever you go. Or maybe it’s a rainbow in the sky on their birthday or anniversary. It could be a smell or a song that comes on at a timely moment, or something innocent that one of their siblings mentions out of the blue.

It doesn’t matter what it is, or what anyone else makes of it. What matters is that they give you a moment of peace and hope, and you’re allowed to cherish these moments in reverence. Because for us, these signs don’t just make us stop and catch our breath, they – even if just for a moment – pull us out of our unbearable present and give us that spark of connection to the child that we lost.

I know that for myself, every time I see a similar-looking butterfly now, I speak to it and hope that my message gets to Dorian. Sometimes I take a picture, or I write it in my journal so I can remember the moment. Even my kids will see a butterfly now and point it out to me while saying something along the lines of, “Look, a butterfly! It’s Dori!”

And that’s why I think this year’s symbol for Say Their Name Day is so beautiful and poignant. The Blue Wren is the very essence of Say Their Name Day: the reminder that the love and memory of our children carry on not just in our hearts, but in practical and tangible ways like saying their name and looking for signs to connect us.

So today, if you’re supporting someone who has lost their child, know that it’s not just alright, but it can even be healing to say their child’s name. Help them remember their child and help them feel safe to talk about them. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed, losing a child is something that they will never get over, so help them by remembering with them.

And to all the parents, and especially mums, who have lost their child(ren), remember that you are not alone. There is a whole community who will understand your grief and know exactly what you’re doing by collecting signs. And know that not just today, but every day, your child will always be remembered and loved. Your child’s life mattered, their name still deserves to be spoken and honoured on this earth. So today, #saytheirname and share their story; let’s normalise the conversation around pregnancy, infant, and child loss.

P.S. I wrote a poem last year in honour of Say Their Name Day, which is available along with many other poems about grief and child loss in my book ‘From One Heart To Another’. Check it out here!