The last month has been HECTIC! Between work, the cyclone, school (then school holidays, then back to school!), planning birthday celebrations for my oldest, having my parents come to stay for a couple of weeks, and trying to stick to all the normal routines on top of all that, I’ve barely had a moment to stop and breathe! So since I had my first day off this week with the house completely to myself, I decided to clear my entire schedule for that day and just have a quiet, relaxing, self-care day at home.

I know for a lot of you mums, this would sound like a rare luxury, but the thing you need to realise is that this was the case for me too. But after a few years into motherhood, I realised the importance of self-care so I started being really intentional about setting time for myself. I started with just taking what I could get: a hot shower, 10-15 minutes to myself, napping or reading while the kids napped, etc. Eventually I started blocking off longer bits of time for myself and making sure I organised work and childcare so that I had at least a 1/2 day a week to myself. And now that I’ve closed my cake business, this has now turned into 1 day a week, and depending on how I’m feeling or how my week has gone, sometimes more!

Now I can feel some of you rolling your eyes at me, but I’m not telling you this to make you feel annoyed or jealous. I definitely understand feeling like self-care is impossible to do as a mum because I’ve been there! I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve cried over feeling like I was suffocating or losing myself, and being told things like “That’s just motherhood” or “Being a mum means sacrifice” or “It’ll get better when they’re older”. But I refused to accept that, and I chose to make my self-care a priority and to make changes in my life to allow me to look after myself. Because I know that when I look after myself, I am a much happier and fulfilled person, which in turn makes me a better mum and wife. I can actually feel and see the difference in myself: I’m happier, more patient, more affectionate, and more present.

I want this for you too. And I want you to feel supported in looking after yourself and choosing to make yourself a priority for a change. I know it’s not easy, and it definitely wasn’t an overnight process for me, so here are the 5 main things I did to help me start going from burnt out to nourished:

1. Make a list of self-care activities.

I made a list of every thing that came to mind when I thought about MY self-care. This is important because what someone else considers self-care may not be your idea of self-care! Then, I organised them into groups ranging from quick, simple activities (<15mins) to bigger/longer ones (1 hour or more). That way, I couldn’t use the excuse of not knowing what to do with the time I had, and then wasting it away on something else.

2. Start small.

Regular self-care is a habit, and like all habits, you have to start from somewhere so start small. I started with just taking what I could get – just 5-10mins daily or several 5min blocks a day- then slowly building up to an hour or more when it got easier.

3. Put a reminder in your phone.

Be intentional about your self-care. Treat it like any other appointment/task and block it off in your schedule so you actually do it. Try and pick a time when you’ll have the least distractions like early in the morning or at night when the kids are in bed.

4. Learn to say "No".

Don’t keep taking on things at your own detriment. It’s alright to say no, and don’t let anyone make you feel like you owe them an explanation for it either. If you shouldn’t, can’t, don’t need to, andespeciallyif you don’t want to, then just say “No”.

5. Accept help.

This is probably the hardest thing for us to do as mums, but remember, it takes a village! For us, we rely on childcare a lot as we don’t have family around who can help. I’ve gone from feeling guilty about putting them in childcare to accepting that it’s necessary for our family to get by. I’m also really lucky because my husband is very supportive about helping me get my self-care, and he is amazing at taking the kids when I need a break or some time to myself throughout the day.

I hope you found these tips helpful, and that it’s made you realise that regular self-care is, in fact, doable! Again, it is not an overnight process, but you do have to be intentional about it! And remember, self-care is not selfish, it’s self-preservation! Trust me, your family will thank you for it so don’t keep putting it off and start filling your self-care cup today!