What do I always say? Motherhood is hard. It requires us to carry a lot – physically, mentally, and emotionally. And for some of us, there’s an added layer that many don’t see: anxiety. The overwhelming weight inside us that turns even ordinary days into a challenge. And unfortunately, motherhood doesn’t pause just because anxiety shows up.

Whether you’re deeply familiar with anxiety or not, I am certain that you’ve all at least experienced it once. In a nutshell, anxiety is basically a mind that doesn’t stop. It can look like racing thoughts that don’t slow down, a constant sense of dread or that something is wrong, or a tension or heaviness that sits in your chest or gut all day.

Sometimes it also looks like irritability or anger, and sometimes it comes as exhaustion. But sometimes it also feels like restlessness and anticipation (but not in the good sense). And something else that I never realised was anxiety until recently, is the constant replay of interactions and situations in your head and trying to break them down; overthinking conversations, decisions, and all the tiny details that others seem to just move past without a second thought.

The hardest part about anxiety is that most of the time, you look completely fine on the outside. So, for most people, anxiety is something they carry alone on the inside, and it’ll come and go depending on stress, circumstances, or the season they’re in. But when you throw in motherhood though, anxiety becomes a whole other ball game. Because when you become a mum, it’s no longer just about you, and you can’t just carry and keep that anxiety inside anymore.

Mothering through anxiety means your mind isn’t just running through your own “what ifs” – it goes through your family’s as well. Not only are you experiencing all the things I mentioned earlier, but it’s also now been multiplied by each person in your family. And when your mind is overloaded with all those thoughts, you either struggle to switch off even if you’re physically exhausted (hello, insomnia!), or you tune out everything else (so you’re physically present, but your mind is caught in your own runaway train of thoughts). And trust me, this isn’t necessarily an either/or situation because I’ve done both!

Anxiety is mentally overwhelming. So, it also comes as no surprise that you will then feel overstimulated by all the noise, the questions, the “Muuuum”s or “Mummyyyyy”s, and the constant needs of everyone else. And suddenly, instead of just irritability and anger boiling up inside you, they explode and come out as constantly snapping at your kids or losing your temper over something so seemingly small.

And this brings me to the biggest difference I’ve noticed about anxiety pre- and post-motherhood: the impact. Like I said earlier, before motherhood, your anxiety just stays with you, so the impacts are mostly on you, like your physical and mental health. And because it’s just you, you can deal with your anxiety in whatever way you like. But when you become a mother, your anxiety impacts your family, and suddenly, it becomes a lot harder to manage. Because it can become an anxiety loop.

You’re mothering through anxiety but the symptoms of it now bring on feelings of guilt and inadequacy as well. Snapping at your kids or feeling too exhausted to be present and enjoy the moments with them; these things now add to your anxiety. Because you replay those moments in your head, and you’re filled with regret and feeling like you’re failing or that they deserve a better mum. And unlike before, you can’t just stay in bed and wallow or take a day off to reset because you now have people who are depending on you.

So, you get up and you keep going. You put on a mask, and you push through. You look after them, you keep them safe, you meet their needs. You comfort them, you love them deeply. You show up for them, even when all you want to do is stay in bed.

If you need to read that last paragraph again, then do it, because it holds the two messages I want to remind you of today:

Firstly, showing up for your family is enough, and it matters more than you think.

And secondly, the fact that you keep going and mothering through your anxiety is proof that you are not inadequate or a failure. Because it means you are strong.

That’s not to say that if you need a break or if you’re struggling to keep showing up it means you’re not strong. There is no quick fix for anxiety and sometimes, being strong means acknowledging that you need help. And whether that help comes from deep breathing or stepping away to reset before responding, letting someone else look after the kids to give you a break, talking to someone you trust, or even seeking the help and support of a professional, you’re being strong because you’re taking the steps you need so you can keep going.

Mothering through anxiety is not easy - I know because I’ve been on that journey for 7 years, and on the anxiety train even before motherhood. But I need you to know that your anxiety doesn’t cancel out your love for your family. It doesn’t erase all the effort that you pour into them (and yourself!) every single day. And it really doesn’t matter if you’re not mothering perfectly; it matters that you’re mothering even on the hard days.

So, if your mind is screaming at you today, if you’re worn out from the mental load you’re carrying, or if you’re wanting to curl up into a ball instead of mothering on, I hope today’s blog post has given you something to hold on to. Anxiety may be a part of your motherhood journey, but don’t let it define your motherhood. You’re doing better than you think, you are stronger than you feel, and you are not alone. You’ve got this. And if you don’t, it’s not weakness to ask for help, it’s resilience. 💛