Today marks one year since I lost my precious boy; one year since I learnt the real meaning of heartbreak.

I can’t believe it’s already been a year. We’ve been without him longer than we got to keep him. And yet some days, it still feels like I’m walking in a fog; that this just isn’t real – that I didn’t really have another child only to end up losing him.

I won’t lie. The grief has been hitting us hard these last couple of months as we drew closer to today. We think back to the year before – our last few happy memories with him; we look at the photos – the last photos of him and of the 5 of us. It hurts; there’s been a lot of crying lately.

But the hardest part for me is the flashbacks from the worst day of my life. I have no control; they come without warning, and they come as clear and vivid as the day it happened. It’s all I can do to try and shut down my brain and distract myself before I start spiralling down that rabbit hole of what ifs, anger, guilt, and regret.

I don’t know what it is about this milestone; a milestone we never asked for. It should be no different from any other day without him, yet it carries a weight that feels more suffocating than usual.

But after today, I am surer than ever before: I will carry this grief for the rest of my life. This date will always carry pain, no matter how many years pass by. My heart – and this world – will always have a Dorian-shaped hole that no amount of healing can ever fill.

I’m not being negative. This is grief. This is my reality.

One Year Without You

One year without you,
Yet it feels like just yesterday
When a piece of my heart along with
Your future were ripped away.

One year without you;
How did it go so fast?
I’m trying so hard to cling to
The memories of our past.

One year without you,
Many more yet to go.
Each as painful as the one before,
And filled with a you-sized hole.

One year without you,
Yet it feels like just yesterday.
It won’t matter how much time passes,
This grief is here to stay.

Written and Copyrighted by Lynn Vincent (2025)
An excerpt from my book, From One Heart To Another: Poetry By A Grieving Mother

In Memoriam: Dorian Vincent, our precious gift from God.