Hot cross buns, Easter eggs, rabbits and chicks, school holidays, camping trips, rainy weather…these are the things that come to mind around this time of year. Just like Christmas, the real meaning behind Easter has become somewhat diluted in the commercialism and more secular traditions surrounding the celebration.

Growing up, my family didn’t really celebrate Easter – Christmas and birthdays were our thing. We acknowledged that Easter was when Jesus died and rose again, we went to church and thanked God for his gift of salvation, but honestly, I don’t think I truly appreciated the meaning of Easter until I became a mum.

A few years ago, I wrote about how I could never imagine giving up my son for anything or anyone, and because of that, I thought I understood how much God must have loved us to sacrifice His one and only son. This year, the meaning of Easter hits a little differently – I see it in another light.

Losing your child is every parent’s biggest fear, and that’s putting it lightly. The pain, grief, and trauma of losing my precious Dorian was far beyond anything I could ever imagine, and I didn’t lose him willingly, nor did I ever expect to lose him. So knowing that God chose those feelings, that He willingly chose to sacrifice His son, and to allow Him to suffer and die on the cross all so He could save us and give us eternal life with Him? I was wrong – I can’t understand that. Honestly, I don’t think I will ever be able to understand that, because I don’t think I could ever fully comprehend just how great God’s love for us is to be able to do that. But I guess that is inherently the meaning of Easter: sacrifice & love.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in Him shall never perish but have eternal life.” – John 3:16-

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t wish to have Dorian back in my arms, and even if his passing would somehow save millions, I would still rather have him here with us. Because I’m human, and it’s in our nature to be selfish. But thank God He is a selfless God, who loves us unconditionally despite our human nature – our selfishness, our faults and shortcomings. And rather than condemn us for our nature, thank God that He chose to give us a way out that requires nothing of us except a confession that Jesus Christ is Lord, and belief that He died and rose again to save us from our sins.

And I realise now that I am all the more blessed by it. Because even though Dorian isn’t here with us now, because of my faith, and because of what Jesus has done for us, I know that one day, we will have eternity together. Because of God’s sacrifice and love.