“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt

You all know the saying, or similar quotes like “Run your own race” and “Stay in your own lane”. And no doubt you’ve all either been told or have told yourself to stop comparing yourself to others. But there’s a particular comparison that’s quietly stealing your joy, and it’s not what you think.

I’m talking about the comparison happening inside yourself, living in your own memory and imagination. It’s a comparison between your current self and either your past self or your ideal future self (or both!). It might sound a bit like, “I used to…” or “I should have….by now.”

Does any of that sound familiar? If so, don’t worry, you’re not alone because I’ve definitely done both. That’s why today, I wanted to try and break this joy-stealing cycle for us.

Our Past Selves

“Hindsight is always 20/20.” -Richard Armour-

I’m sure you’ve heard of that saying as well. So, in applying that ourselves, I think past-us gets a lot of credit we may not deserve.

We may remember our past-selves as less tired, more capable, calmer, happier – better. But just like childbirth, I think we tend to forget or at least downplay the pain. We forget that we were also struggling, trying to figure things out, learning, growing, and doing the best that we could with what we had at that time.

The truth is that we didn’t necessarily “lose ourselves” over the years. We just changed, and things, circumstances, and the world around us changed along with us. What we need to remember is that change isn’t always a bad thing, but also, change doesn’t always equate to loss. Most of the time, personal change – especially the hard-fought kind – is growth and addition.

Past-us didn’t have the experience we now have. They didn’t have the wisdom, the strength and resilience, the understanding, and even the compassion that comes from living through what we’ve gone through since. Think of it as an upgrade: past-you wasn’t a better version of you, just an earlier one.

*A little note I want to add here because I feel it would be remiss of me otherwise: If you’re like me and have been through a season of grief, loss, or trauma, it can be extremely hard to stop comparing your current life to happier days when you were healthy, whole, or when you still had your loved one. I think in our case, this is a completely normal and understandable comparison, but we do need to be careful. There is a fine line between replaying our memories to keep them alive in our hearts, and constantly reliving them and staying stuck in the past that we can’t move forward and attempt to heal.

Our “Ideal” Future Selves

On the other end of the spectrum, we’ve got our future selves, and I’ve realised that they’re probably even sneakier thieves than our past selves, mostly because we don’t think of it as a comparison, but we dress them up as inspiration. Our future selves are always “ideal” versions of ourselves; they’re more accomplished, more organised, more patient, more healed, more put together – always better, always more.

But the harsh reality is, no matter how far we come or grow, our ideal future selves always manage to stay out of reach somehow. Because let’s be honest, we are our own harshest critics. And we don’t realise that our ideal future selves are actually changing and moving goalposts – so good luck chasing that target!

Now, I know I’m slightly contradicting myself here, but this would be the one time where comparing your current self to your past self could be a good thing. Not to put yourself down, but to see how far you’ve come.

It’s hard to track growth in real time especially because it’s rarely linear. We all go through different seasons in life, and some will see more progress than others, but when you start to put together little moments like setting a boundary with others or pausing before you react, you’ll start to see the progress you’re making.

Our Current Selves

Learning to stop comparing yourself to others is hard, but trying to stop comparing yourself to your other selves is even harder. But, as with everything, it’s a process, so here are some simple mindset shifts to try and break that cycle of self-comparison.

Catch yourself when you start comparing, and name it for what it is: That’s past-me or future-me talking. But I get that it’s easier said than done, so if you’re going to compare, then at least try and be honest about it. Give your past-self credit where it’s due, but don’t place her on a pedestal she doesn’t deserve. Conversely, don’t measure how far you have to go to reach your future-self, but measure how far you’ve already come.

Remember, our current selves are not worse off or behind; we’re exactly where we’re meant to be. We’re learning, growing, and changing, and we’re doing it with whatever resources we have available in our current season. Let us learn to celebrate and find joy in ourselves as we are, right here and right now. 💛