We talk about eating a balanced diet, but most of us have grown up in an era where there is a stigma on body image and consuming carbohydrates, fats, and calories. It’s led to the impression that sugar, and therefore treats/desserts are “bad” or something that needs to be earned (e.g. once you finish all your veggies, or if you’ve had a bad day). From a health perspective (both physical and mental), this could lead to a damaging relationship with treats, and poor self-control when it comes to consuming them. In light of all the young people and celebrities with eating disorders, my husband and I have always tried to cultivate a healthy relationship between our kids and treats.

Now, we’re not perfect, but in our household, we try to treat desserts as any other food. Sometimes we even serve them together with the main meal and let the kids decide the order in which they want to eat their food! It’s something we learnt from Feeding Littles – we provide, they decide! So, we provide the food they eat, but they get to decide how much, how they eat, and what they want to eat from what has been provided. We also try not to bribe them with desserts to get them to finish their main meals. I feel that this just creates the notion that dessert is something special; something that’s better than other foods, which could contribute to poor self-control or the wrong ideas about eating a balanced diet.

He ate some dinner, finished his dessert (the empty bowl), then went back to eating the rest of his dinner!

We don’t have desserts with every meal or every day either. And while there’s absolutely nothing wrong if you do, this is just what we’ve chosen to do in our household! The way we explain it to the kids is that – just like any other food – sometimes we have it, sometimes we don’t! It’s sort of become a mantra in our house. Our oldest even knows to say that treats like ice cream are a “sometimes” food, and because this is what he’s used to, I don’t think he’s ever gotten upset or thrown a tantrum if we don’t have dessert! Don’t get me wrong – of course there are times when he will keep asking or he may try to change our minds if we say no to dessert, but we don’t get any tantrums or meltdowns from a lack of dessert.

I also believe that our “inclusive” attitude towards food is teaching them to develop self-control and healthy relationships with food, and therefore treats/desserts. There have been times where our kids will actually say no to dessert themselves, or more impressive yet, they’ve stopped halfway through eating their dessert because they’ve had enough. My oldest has even said that if he eats too much sugar, he will have a tummy ache or feel sick! And that’s because (as hard as it was for us), we let him experience for himself what happens when you binge eat lollies and sweets at parties. It’s something that we’ve tried our best to teach our kids – to listen to their bodies when it comes to food instead of forcing them to do “what’s good for them”.

Of course, like with anything parenting in general, there is no “one size fits all” (we wish!). While this might be working for us now, I can’t guarantee that it will work for everyone, or that it will even keep working for all our kids as time goes by! I guess the main thing is the principles behind it, and most of all that we be consistent in what we do!

What do you think? Is this something that you do/would consider doing? How do you handle treats/desserts in your household?