They say, “It takes a village to raise a child.” But what they don’t tell you is how hard it can be to find that village – especially in today’s world where motherhood (and even life in general!) can sometimes feel more isolating than ever!

Motherhood is beautiful, but it’s incredibly hard and lonely. You’ve probably noticed that I say this a lot (literally in last week’s blog post). That’s because it’s true! You get lost in the role of “Mum”; surrounded by little humans all day (and sometimes all night!) but still feeling unseen. You miss having adult conversations that aren’t interrupted by crying or someone pulling you and going, “Mum! Muuuum!!”. You miss having someone check in, not to ask about your kids, but to ask how YOU are really doing.

We were never meant to do motherhood alone. Mothers are wired for connection. We long for people who “get it” – the laughter and the tears, the joy and the guilt, the wonder and the exhaustion that you carry inside you as a mum. But more than that, we long for people who get US; people who can love and accept us as we are – the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. That’s what it means to find your village.

Finding your village doesn’t mean surrounding yourself with people who parent and are exactly like you. It’s about finding people who make you feel safe to be your authentic self – in all the roles you play, not just the role of a mother. These are the friends who sit with you when you cry, who don’t flinch when your kid has a meltdown (or when you go into crazy Hulk-mum mode!), who understand and don’t expect an apology when you take a week to reply to their texts.

Your village are the people who lift you up and remind you that you’re not failing. They’re the ones who cheer you on when you succeed and walk beside you when you’re a mess; the ones you may not see for months but can pick up right where you left of. And the thing is, they rarely are people that you’ve known forever. Sometimes, you can find your village in a mum you met at playgroup, an online friend you met through a Facebook community, a work colleague, or even a stranger you were confident enough to strike up a conversation with (all true stories, my friend)!

Now, I feel that it’s important to say this: If you haven’t found your village yet, that’s ok – please don’t lose heart! You’re not behind, you’re not unworthy of friendship or a bad person. Finding your village takes time, and sometimes, it also takes courage to put yourself out there! Here are a few gentle ways that helped me find my village:

Join communities that align with your values

Whether it’s a local mother’s group, church, or even an online community (like the one I’m building), being part of a group that shares your heart and values can help you feel instantly understood.

Be open and authentic

Connection begins with vulnerability, and authenticity attracts authenticity. You can’t except to find a safe space if you’re not brave enough to show the real you. And there is also power in shared stories – it breaks down walls and heals loneliness. When you open up, you are also giving others permission to do the same, and that’s how connection and villages are built.

Be the friend you need

If you can’t find a friend, be a friend. Be brave and reach out to someone. When you pour out kindness and shine your light on others, it has a way of coming back to you.

Stop comparing and judging

The perfect tribe isn’t made of perfect people, rather it’s made of IMperfect people. Real people are flawed and everyone is unique, so you’ll never find someone who is exactly like you and shares the exact same values and views. Don’t disqualify yourself or others just because you’re different.

Pray for the right connections

If you’re a woman of faith, then ask God to help! Seriously, I did that! When I was pregnant with my oldest, I would pray daily for God to bring the right people into our lives: not just mum friends for me, but family friends for all of us, who would accept us as we are and partner with us as we all strive to raise our children the best we know how!

And finally, I wanted to leave you with some gentle reminders:

Firstly, your village isn’t always a fixed thing. It can change as people come and go in life, and according to the season you’re in.

And sometimes, you might be in a waiting season as you search for your village. But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing – this season can help you realise not just the type of friend you’re looking for, but also how to be that friend to someone else.

But rest assured that you will find your village eventually, and sometimes you may realise that they were actually there all along. Once you find them, it will feel like acceptance and belonging – it will feel like home. Trust me. After 6 years of motherhood and mothering in different seasons, I’m only really starting to realise who my village are – and it’s still growing and changing!

So, here’s to you finding your people, your safe space, your village. Because motherhood is many things, but it was never meant to be done alone.