My oldest son turns 6 this week, and boy has it been a week (and not in a good way)! What should’ve been an exciting and fun-filled week because of his birthday and upcoming school holidays, was instead a week filled with school drama and detentions. There have been a lot of tears this week from everyone, and I haven’t been sleeping well just worrying about our boy and his future, and how we can help him in a world that can be judgemental and unkind, that struggles to understand and accept neurodiversity.

So because it’s his birthday week, I’ve decided to write something in his honour in the hopes that it will spread a bit more awareness, kindness, and acceptance towards all neurodivergent kids.

When you look at my son, what do you see?

What you see:

A boy who doesn’t seem to care about his friends because he might play roughly or hurt them.

A boy who doesn’t listen, seems careless, and is always getting in trouble.

A boy who looks like he isn’t paying attention and can’t focus.

A boy who doesn’t always behave in a socially acceptable or age-appropriate manner.

A loud, crazy, energetic boy who’s always in your face.

A boy who always seems to be happy and silly.

A big boy – a primary school kid.

A boy.

What you don’t see:

A boy who is trying to make friends the way he knows, who calls some kids his best friends only to be told he’s not their best friend, who comes home and tells me that nobody wants to be his friend because they say he’s naughty, an idiot, or the worst.

A boy who has ADHD and lacks impulse control – he knows what the right thing to do is, but in the moment his brain can’t stop to think before he acts, so he does something that might be silly, dangerous, or hurt himself or others.

A boy who has the sharpest eyes and ears, who takes in things around him that you might not even be aware that he’s noticing, who can really focus when it’s something he’s interested it, but on the other hand, gets overwhelmed by too much stimuli – so if there is too much going on around him, he struggles to process what you’re saying and what’s happening, and doesn’t know what is expected of him.

A boy with suspected ASD (currently about to start the diagnostic process as he was too young before) who has poor social awareness and difficulties recognising/understanding social cues that can sometimes be as simple as someone saying “stop” or not liking something he’s doing because he thinks they’re playing a game together and doesn’t realise the thought isn’t mutual.

A boy who also has anxiety and confidence/self-esteem issues on top of grief and trauma, so he may use socially/age-inappropriate behaviours to cope, because that’s what brings him comfort, and that’s how he’s taught himself to manage feelings he still doesn’t understand.

A boy who is full of love for life and for others, who is so smart and curious that he needs to be constantly stimulated to be entertained, who is just looking for attention and affection.

A boy who puts up a front because he doesn’t want to process or deal with what is happening in and around him, who may seem happy and silly to everyone else, but at home has sad days and meltdowns, and tries to communicate through play and drawings.

A boy who’s not even 6 years old yet (at the time this was written) – he’s one of the youngest in his year at school, and has to interact with kids who are 1-2 years older, so imagine the difference in their development!

A boy...

A boy who is struggling to cope with his neurodivergent brain and trying to process the grief and trauma over losing his baby brother at 7 months old, while also processing how his family are dealing with everything, on top of taking in school and everything else in the normal life of a boy his age. A boy who has the most beautiful heart, who cares so deeply about things, and is the best big brother a parent could hope for. A boy who overheard his mum telling his dad that she wished she had more pictures of the baby brother he lost, so he immediately sat down and drew a picture of him for her. A boy who gets excited over seeing a green tree frog and tries to teach his mum about snakes so she won’t be scared of them.

A boy who just wants you to love and accept him for who he is.

A boy who is just trying to be a regular boy.