Next week will be my parents’ 35th anniversary. And when you consider that they were dating for about 12 years before they got married, then they’ve been together for a very long time! I know so many relationships nowadays that barely make it to 10 years, let alone 50 years, so I really admire that my parents have not only kept their relationship for this long, but that it’s still a strong and loving relationship.

Having been married myself for 9 years this December (and together for 13 years), I know full well that a relationship is hard work. So, in light of their upcoming anniversary, I decided to sit down and ponder the lessons I can take away from my parents’ marriage. It is a slightly longer post than usual, but I felt that these lessons were too important not to be shared, or to be watered down. I hope that this post and my parents’ marriage will help and inspire you just as much as they have done so for me.

Patience & Trust

Like I said, my parents dated for 12 years before getting married – considering the average is 4-5 years before marriage, that’s a really long time! They had their reasons, of course, but the beauty of all that extra time was that they really got to know each other and develop patience and trust for one another!

Living with someone is not easy. There are two people bringing together different habits, upbringings, and views on the world, so obviously there will be plenty of moments of frustration, miscommunication, and seasons of waiting for the other to grow or catch up in an area of life. And my parents can be quite different, especially in the ways they were raised! But patience is choosing grace and forgiveness over irritation, which I’ve seen them do all my life.

Meanwhile, trust is the foundation of everything! It’s not enough to have love, but trust is what grows in the small, consistent choices: keeping your word, showing up, and believing in and wanting the best for each other. And at the end of the day, my parents know that they can always count on each other without question, which brings me to my next lesson.

Stick Together & Support Each Other Through The Hard Times

When I was still in primary school, my dad started having vision problems. He was diagnosed with a rare form of uveitis, and his eyesight continued to deteriorate over the years. At one point, he could barely see the food he was putting in his mouth. So, mum became his eyes. She looked after him, she drove him around and even went overseas with him for medical treatments, she helped him read and keep up with his work, she became a full-time carer on top of raising us kids.

It would’ve been tough, and I still remember how tense and unhappy things were at home because of all the stress from the situation. Dad went through periods of depression and anxiety, feeling useless because he couldn’t be independent anymore, and worrying about the future and how he could keep providing for his young family. But they stuck together, and my mum supported him through it all.

His vision did improve eventually, though he is still somewhat reliant on mum as he only has limited vision in one eye now, but he is able to read, use the computer, and move around on his own. And they both managed to raise us and give us good lives until we were old enough to support ourselves (and even now, they still do so much for us)! A lot of relationships might not have made it, but they really embodied the “in sickness and in health” part of their marriage vows, and have been an inspiration to my husband and I, especially with everything we have gone through.

Teamwork & Respect

Speaking of marriage vows, dad often jokes that mum is his “better half”. But I think the keyword here is “half”. A relationship is not about competing, but completing each other. My parents were raised in a time where it was common for the wife to stay at home and raise the kids while the husband worked, but even though those were their roles, dad never thought he was better off than mum.

Instead, they worked together and respected each other for the roles they played. It’s a beautiful reminder that teamwork doesn’t mean everyone has to do everything equally all the time, but that everyone shows up with the same commitment to do your best no matter the role. It’s about recognising that everyone has their own strengths and perspectives, and respecting that your way is not always the best, and that you can’t do everything on your own.

In fact, this carried over from their relationship into our family where we would frequently have family discussions, or, as we like to joke, “board meetings” (a nod to my dad’s chairman days). But it’s a valuable lesson to learn, not just for my own marriage, but for any interaction, be it work or friends. Everyone needs to feel equal and included to make a relationship work, but it also helps if you have things in common…

How important it is to have the same values, priorities, and goals for the future

They say opposites attract, but from what I’ve seen, they only remain attracted for so long if they are too opposite. That’s not to say that two completely different people can never work out, but there should at least be some key similarities. And from what I’ve seen from my parents, these similarities are their values, priorities, and goals for the future.

Whether it’s how you want to raise children (or if you even want children in the first place!), where faith fits into your family life, or how you view finances, being on the same page creates unity. Marriage works best when you’re not just living parallel lives but moving together in the same direction.

Even though my parents can have quite different personalities, when it comes down to the important stuff, they are very compatible, and most importantly, they have always been in sync when it comes to their values and goals for our family. It was always very grounding for me to see them in unity about the things that matter most (which just happened to be their kids!), and I truly believe that this shaped not just my priorities for what I looked for in my life-partner, but also how I viewed love.

Stay affectionate & loving

I used to think love could be quantified by words and romantic gestures…when I was still young and naive. But even though I now know that real love is so much deeper than that, I feel it is still important to stay affectionate and loving in your relationship no matter how much time passes.

I’m not going to lie – when I was younger, I would feign embarrassment or aversion if my parents (dad, in particular) would get affectionate with one another. Now when I say “get affectionate”, I just mean a kiss on the cheek or an arm over the shoulder. Not surprisingly, my friends, and anyone who witnessed it really, would always comment on how sweet or cute my parents were. And now that I’m older, I realise they’re right (even if still feign aversion)!

It may sound strange when physical displays of affection are so common now, not just in this generation, but in our Australian culture. But considering they were brought up in a time and culture where physical displays of affection were pretty much non-existent even amongst parents and children, this is a HUGE deal! I realise how lucky I am that my parents broke the mould (in their own way), and were not only physically affectionate with us, but with each other, even in public! It helped set the precedent for me that affection is normal and healthy in a relationship. And knowing how easily romance can fade over time, especially when children come into the picture, I am in awe that they’ve managed to stay affectionate and in love even after all these decades.

Don’t get me wrong – was their marriage perfect? Certainly not, but then, whose is? At the end of the day, marriage isn’t about two perfect people coming together. It’s about two imperfect people choosing to build something special together, day by day, side by side. And I am in awe of my parents and their journey together – one of growth, sacrifice, laughter, tears, and countless lessons along the way. Their marriage is a beautiful example that love is not just words and romantic displays of affection. Instead, love – real love – is in consistent, daily actions: care, commitment, patience, trust, teamwork, respect, and unwavering support.