I know I’ve been MIA most of this month. The thing is, I didn’t plan to be, and if I’d really put my mind to it, I probably would’ve been able to show up weekly like I always do. But the harsh truth is that I was so exhausted that I just couldn’t bring myself to.

I know we’re all tired, especially us mums - that’s just the reality of the load we carry and the world we live in now. But there’s a difference between the type of tired that a few nights of good, uninterrupted sleep can fix, and the type of tired that not even a week off work will fix. No guesses as to which kind of tired I’ve been!

The last month (or the last three, if I’m being completely honest!) has had me feeling completely off. I’ve taken on some extra responsibilities this year, and while I’d been doing a half decent job at juggling everything earlier this year, those balls are raining down on me now. Throw in all the sickness that's been going around, and I’m not just physically tired, I’m mentally and emotionally burnt-out.

Burnout is getting more and more common now, even though it’s chronically under-diagnosed in mums because we’re so used to just pushing through everything. From personal experience, we never realise how close we are to our limits, and it’s only until we’ve actually hit breakdown and burnout that we’re forced to stop and attempt to pick up the pieces.

I’m no expert, but I’d be lying if I said I haven’t hit burnout more times than I’d like to admit. So, I thought I might share my experiences, just in case it might help you recognise some of the warning signs so you can stop yourself before you hit burnout. Here are 5 signs that I’ve noticed in myself leading up to my burnout stage:

1.You wake up exhausted no matter how much you’ve slept

Like I mentioned earlier, tiredness improves with sleep, but burnout doesn’t. So if you wake up feeling exhausted no matter how much you’ve slept, that’s not just your body but your nervous system telling you that something’s wrong.

2.Everything becomes too much - even the little things.

If your nervous system doesn’t recover properly, you’ll start to notice changes in your emotional state. Things that normally wouldn’t phase you – like an overflowing inbox, your child having a meltdown, or spilling a glass of water – suddenly feel completely overwhelming. And if your emotional reserves have been depleted, then you might find yourself breaking down into tears or having a meltdown yourself over the smallest or silliest things. It’s not because you’re “weak” or “overly sensitive”; your nervous system is running on empty so there’s no capacity to absorb the friction of daily life.

3.Your body is keeping score in ways you can’t ignore

Burnout usually starts in your mental and emotional health – that’s why it’s easy for us to ignore and push through. But eventually, burnout will start to show itself physically too. As they say, stress is bad for the body, and the more it absorbs, the more it will manifest in ways like persistent migraines, body aches and pains, gut issues, a constantly tense jaw and posture, and constantly falling sick.

And if it’s quite severe or if you let it go on for long enough, then chronic stress will affect your cortisol levels, which affects so many of your body’s systems. Say hello to insomnia, weight gain around your belly, hormonal imbalances, and an immune system that’s been shot. Because if you keep ignoring and overriding the signals that your body has been telling you, eventually it stops speaking nicely.

4.You feel detached from people or things that you used to love

Something I’ve learnt is that burnout doesn’t always look like falling apart; sometimes it looks like showing up on the outside while slowly fading away on the inside. Activities you used to enjoy don’t appeal to you anymore. Conversations and socialising feel like just too much effort. Even when you’re at home with your family, you’re going through the motions but your mind is somewhere else.

Personally, this detachment has been the scariest and most distressing part of burnout because it felt like something was wrong with me, like I wasn’t myself anymore. But when your energy levels are affected by burnout, it’s no surprise that your engagement levels will start to get affected too. It’s your body’s way of trying to conserve the little that it has left.

5.You've lost hope that things will get better

This is probably one of the most serious signs of burnout, and I’ve noticed that it’s usually the final one that shows up in myself before I crack. It’s the ongoing combination of all the other signs that makes you feel stuck; everything is so overwhelming and nothing seems enjoyable anymore, so you stop making plans or looking forward to things, and the future just seems like more of the same.

All I can say is: that hopelessness needs proper attention so it doesn’t spiral into something worse. Because it’s not permanent, and you’re not broken – you can find hope again if you get the right support and make the right changes (and I'm speaking from a very rich experience).

Now, I don’t know if any of that sounded familiar to you – like I said, I’m still figuring it out myself. I know that burnout may present differently in different people, but these are just some of the signs that I’ve noticed appear in me every single time before I hit that burnout breakdown.

That said, if you recognise any of those signs in you, then please know this: You are not failing, you are not broken. You’ve just been carrying too much for too long without enough/the right support. You can resolve this, you just need to be willing to help yourself.

And by help, I don’t mean just having an early night, or even a week off work like I’ve done (and I can tell you, it’s not enough)! You’ll have to be intentional about this, and that may require having an honest conversation with your GP or a counsellor, reflecting on what’s being asked of you and whether that’s sustainable long-term, and – the hardest one of all – learning to ask for help before you end up in crisis.

You matter, my friend, and your worth is not measured by what you do or how much of yourself you give to others. Your health and wellbeing are not luxuries to tend to “later, when there's time”. And remember (something I’m always reminding my patients at work), if you don’t look after yourself, then who’s going to look after your loved ones? 💛