Earlier this week, hubby and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary, and a few weeks earlier, 13 years of being in a relationship. It might not seem like a long time for some of you but for us, we’re still trying to process that we’ve been in each other’s lives for over a third of our own!

With my venture into a writing career this year, plus my very first book getting published next week, hubby has joked that he should be insulted because in all our years together, I’ve never written a poem about him. My response to that was that he should actually be glad and grateful, because I usually write poetry when I’m sad or feeling lost or alone – so me not writing him anything should be a testament as to how happy he’s made me! 😜

In all seriousness though, the truth is that it hasn’t been an entirely easy or happy 13 years. We’ve been through a lot together, and we’ve experienced both the best and the worst moments of our lives together. As we now say (both in jest and yet in truth), we’re stuck with each other, because nobody else could ever understand or handle all the baggage we have now.

Relationships – real relationships – take work. That’s the reality, as much as the world may try to romanticise “finding the one” by implying that things should just be easy when you’re with the right person. But life doesn’t work that way, and every relationship will see its own ups and downs, its celebrations and challenges, its strengths and weaknesses.

Now don’t get me wrong. There can be an ease when you’re with the right person – that comes with compatibility; you are similar, have things in common, so you “click”. And while compatibility gives relationships a good foundation, at the end of the day it comes down to choice. You have to choose to put someone else over you. And you have to choose to put in the work to make a relationship work.

Like I said, hubby and I have been through a lot. And here’s my confession: there were plenty of moments where it would have been easier to just give up and decide to go our separate ways (or to have some distance and time apart at the very least). But to his credit, he has never once considered that as even an option, and he has always fought for us and chosen to work things out together.

I’ve also been told I’m not the easiest person to put up with (just to clarify, hubby has never said this to me – this has come from other people). And for most of my life, I’ve always felt like the second choice (or the third, or fourth, etc). But hubby chooses me every time, and is in fact the first (and possibly only?) person to intentionally choose me for me exactly as I am, and to keep choosing me knowing exactly who I am. And I choose him back – frustrations, imperfections, and all.

Now, I do want to note that I’m not trying to say we’re perfect or that we have it all figured out. In fact, the intent behind this post is the opposite of that. It’s not uncommon for people to comment on our relationship and say that we always seem so cute or loving together, but that is why I wanted to clarify in this post that we have our struggles just like anyone else. And we have been through things that most couples would be fortunate enough not to experience. But time after time, we choose to work through them together and to keep loving each other.

And I guess that’s basically what strong relationships are made of – hard work and determined choices. And I’m not just talking about love and marriage, but the same can be applied to any relationship: familial, friend, or business. At the end of the day, we each get to decide how much we put into our relationships, but of course, it takes two to tango.

So, hubby, here’s to 9 and 13 years together, and may we have many many more. I see everything you do and I appreciate you more than you know! Also, I may not write you poems, but I write plenty of posts that show off your amazing husband and dad qualities! 🤭

PS If you’re wanting to read more about strengthening relationships and marriages, check out my other blog post on What My Parents’ Marriage Has Taught Me.